Running A Fowl of the Faithful

So, I’m sitting at the desk, absent-mindedly picking at belly button lint. My boss slaps my hand, screaming, “I said leave me alone!”
In response, I go back to my own desk and decide to check my email. Lo and behold, I actually get one that’s not trying to sell me a stock, a Rolex watch, or some sort of medication.
It’s from a Reverend Owen Christopher. Mr. Christopher, it seems was somewhat offended by my reference to Sandersria, the somewhat off-beat religion I had written about this morning.
He said, and I’ll quote, “Mr. Cook, may you burn in the eternal flames of hot oil for blaspheming our religion.”
He has my attention…another fan, I’m thinking. He goes on…
“You seem to take our beliefs very lightly. Do you not have even a modicum of appreciation for the feelings of dozens of Sanders-fearing upright men and women who practice our faith?”
First, let me say to Reverend Christopher, “I sir, used to have a modicum, but it broke.”
The good Rev continues, “We are a sincere group of individuals who have been looking for, yes, praying for the Colonel’s Second Helping. And rubbish such as you write can only serve to humiliate us.”
Once again, I interrupt the man of the cloth napkin to assure him and you that I am very fond of his Colonel. I don’t view him as divine, but certainly as a great profit center.
Christopher continues, “Our faith has taken quite a hit over the past few years. First there was that “extra crispy” apostate movement. Then some of our less faithful leaders took the very name Kentucky off our signs, replacing it with the offensive ‘KFC.
“I, sir am very vocal in proclaiming, ‘Put the Kentucky back into K.”
The pastor makes a good point. I personally think a bucket of chicken has become too commercialized. Have you seen what they’re charging – an arm and a leg for a breast and a leg?
But, I digress…the Reverend Christopher concludes, “Perhaps I am over-reacting, but our little group has taken some hard knocks lately. That sweet sticky sauce on the wings was outright blasphemy, but the very worst thing, the most unimaginable thing, and I’m sure if the Colonel were alive today he’d be spinning in his grave, is that horid ecumenical movement. Of course, I refer to the adulterating of pure Sandersria with Pizza Hutian beliefs. A sacrilege…an outrage.”
The reverend concluded with the typical, "Sanders bless."
I’m sharing this with you, my friends in an effort to say, “let’s all stop and smell the roses.”
No, that’s not what I wanted to say. It had something to do with walking a mile in the other guy’s shoes. I tell you what. I’m going to get a big box of wings and go sit down and think this over for a bit.