The Devil Wears Thin

Sometimes I’m just too nice for my own good. Take this Saturday night as an example. My wife, who had worked all day, calls me on the way home and asks if I want to go see a movie. Even though I really wanted to watch the Atlanta Braves lose a game on TV, and, even though I have never had sensitivity training, I replied, “Sure, that sounds great.”
I used to love going to the movies, but nowadays, it’s just a matter, generally of paying close to ten dollars to have someone cuss at me. I can get that free all day every day. But, there are a few good movies out right now, so I figured what the hey. This could be fun.
“What do you want to see?” I asked ever so kindly. “Talladega Nights?” I hear that’s pretty good. I’m hoping she won’t say the one movie I have absolutely no interest in seeing – “The Devil Wears Prada.
“Then there’s World Trade Center,” I say. “I hear that’s really good. My wife still hasn’t responded and I’m hoping she has forgotten about The Devil Wears Prada. She had mentioned it a couple of weeks ago, but I’m thinking and hoping she has changed her mind.
I almost mentioned The Ant Bully, but I have my principles and one of them is that I won’t pay that much money to watch a cartoon. But, please, I’m thinking, not The Devil, anything but The Devil.
“We could see Superman Returns again,” I say, rather half-heartedly. I know she won’t go for that.
“How about we go see,” she says,(and I’m thinking not The Devil, please not The Devil), “The Devil Wears Prada.”
I shriek, but only to myself. “Sure, that’ll be great,” I lie. And so, off we go to see The Devil Wears Prada. On the way to our screen (if that’s the word) we pass Talladega Nights and The World Trade Center. I look at each door to these screens longingly. But, as the great husband I am, I don’t sigh, I don’t whimper. I just march right in to the Devil room and take a seat. To add insult to injury, they’re showing previews of World Trade Center before The Devil starts.
Anyway, I sit there and watch the movie. And, you know what? Even though I thought it would be a bad movie, in reality, it was a horrible movie.
Now, I’m a macho sort of guy, but I won’t use the term “Chick Flick.” I love the Lifetime Channel. I could watch it all day, so chick flicks can be pretty good. This was just a bad movie. Even my wife hated it.
For starters, there were no really likeable characters. I mean none. Stanley Tucci’s character was the best, but not the sort of guy I’d want to spend any time with.
Meryl Streep was merely playing the non-animated version of her role as Cruella De Vil. Of course, she was using her other name, Glenn Close, when she did that role. The female lead, I don’t remember her name and it wasn’t worth looking up, was such a poor actress, she did everything but turn to the camera and wave.
There was absolutely no chemistry between anyone. Timothy Leary himself couldn’t have added enough chemistry to make this thing work. By the time the movie was over, I could not have cared less who, if anyone, she ended up with. Her boyfriend was a totally uninteresting, unappealing character.
He pouts because she doesn’t make it to his birthday party. What? Is he six-years old?
And the other guy who is trying to steal her away offers nothing to the movie. There were no characters whom you’d really like to get to know.
The only good thing about the way the movie ended was that it ended. I’m not a movie critic, but I think I’ve written some pretty good stuff here. I’d consider turning this column into a movie review page, but that would mean I’d have to watch all the tripe they’re putting out these days. And, I’m willing to bet that there are even worse movies than The Devil out there. I just hope my wife doesn’t hear about them.